Nausea returned, as my hands started shaking. I realized that I should have had more than a Diet Pepsi before trying to take on this meeting. I alternated between hot and cold and my fingers were tingling. As I left the Doctor’s office and walked the very short distance between the two buildings, my ears began ringing and the intensity of my discomfort increased. I realized I was physically not going to be able to get through this on my own. I started to pray. I silently called out to God asking Him to help. I had been praying, off and on, but now I was pleading. I had no idea how to face the person who put this tiny baby I was carrying though so much agony. It was HER fault he struggled to eat, HER fault that he would have learning delays, and HER fault that he would never have the perfect family that God intended. I prayed. I needed God to touch my heart and quick. I was going to see her in just minutes. I was 5 minutes late.
Thankfully, God always answers. As I walked, God quietly spoke, “I love her too.” The words struck a cord and I was convicted. I (in my sin) DIDN’T love her too. I didn’t love her at all. I placed all the blame right at her feet and never considered her worthy of love and forgiveness. Then, God reminded me, “I loved her first.” In God’s eyes, our precious little peanut was no more important than his mom. (I am reminded of the Prodigal Son in Luke) SHE is loved by him. SHE is important to Him! A few feet from the door, the door I would walk through and see her for the first time, my heart melted. I felt so much love for her. Only the love that God the Father can give. I was completely humbled that God chose to overlook my sins and is offering her the same. I was convicted for thinking that the problems of this person are any more horrible in the sight of God than the things I have done. Who was I to judge her? I started to pray again. I asked for forgiveness for my hardened heart and felt forgiven. I asked for a sensitive heart for her so that I would be able to pray for her and all that she is going through and God answered.
I can’t pretend to know what has brought her to this place, or what it is going to take to help her get to a place that she is healthy and can be a mother to her son. I know that after meeting her and the father of the baby, I pray constantly for their struggles. They are greatly loved by God and I know He has amazing plans for them and for their lives as a family. I do all I can to show them the love of God and share about Jesus’ transforming strength.
Our society likes labels: Good Guys and Bad Guys. Victim and Perpetrator. Friend and Enemy. I see now that we have only one enemy and that is the enemy of our soul who seeks to destroy families. This mom, who I saw as the enemy is really a victim of the real enemy. She is not the devil, she is his prey. I will continue to bring her to the Lord in PRAY – ER!!!! The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10
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