I had a really great time at the adoption panel the other day. It was fun to see all the faces of everyone who is even a little bit curious about adoption. There are so many choices and different ways to pursue growing your family through adoption that it seems like we could ask and answer questions all day.
One question that was asked was: The kids I have now seem to have unique needs that I don’t always feel I can adequately meet. How do I justify bringing in another child? And how does adoption affect the biological or adopted children already in your home? I am (of course) paraphrasing since it has been a while since we met. I think these two questions compliment each other so I am going to give my best shot at answering them.
First – the easier of the two: I think that children greatly benefit from having siblings. Not everyone agrees with this, that is why I said, “I think.” It is only my opinion. If you are still reading, I think that siblings give us someone to lean on as parents grow older. Your children may sacrifice small things now (like having their own room or more expensive vacations) but reap the rewards later (like having a babysitter for their kids and someone with whom to split the cost of Mom and Dad’s Christmas gift.) Also, I think adoption teaches God’s plan of salvation in a very real and very hands-on way. As we are adopted into God’s family, we can adopt someone into ours. There are so many more reasons why adoption can be a great character building exercise for your kids.
Second – the tougher question of how to meet everyone’s individual needs. My best response is that meeting the needs of your kids is God’s job, but that answer can sound like I am just dismissing the question. I will only be able to answer from personal experience. I wanted to adopt long before we actually started the process. I believe God intervened to give our family HIS perfect timing. Because we were diligently seeking His will through the whole thing, I believe He rewarded us in this way. Waiting didn’t feel like a reward at the time, but God always sees the big picture. I believe that the only way to truly meet the needs of our kids is through prayer. Also, you may find that your kids become less needy as new kids come into the home. The kids, themselves, find less reason to want your constant attention because they are distracted by their siblings. Don’t forget to encourage the older kids to help too! Even my 5 year old helps tie his 3 year old sister’s shoes. He is so proud when he helps. I know people who make “dates” for one-on-one time with their kids. Focus on the Family is a great resource for family ideas. Also, talk to parents of “big” families and see how they do it! All kids and families are unique so it is ultimately up to you to find what works, but prayer works universally!
Even though the panel time is over, many people who have adopted are eager to share their adoption experiences and are happy to answer questions if you have them!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Being prepared for adoption - marathon style
Hebrews 12:1b-3
Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so you will not grow weary and lose heart.
When you decide to run a marathon, you don't just go out and run it. You choose a training plan and start off with very short runs that are fairly easy for you. To reach the goal of running 26.2 miles, you have to begin to increase your mileage. You start out by pushing your body just a little bit more than you you have been used to previously - about 1 mile longer. On that slightly longer run, you feel good until you hit the point where you are running farther than you have ever run before, then you begin to hurt a little. Your knees ache (at least mine do) and your muscles begin to get tired, but amazingly, after doing the same distance a couple of times, it doesn't hurt anymore and even starts to seem easy. At that point, you up the mileage again until you can run 20+ miles without too much pain and injury.
Last night, God brought this comparison to my mind and reminded me that even though I want Him to bring me my next child(ren) right now, he knows I am not ready yet. Lately, life (kids, schedules, relationships, business, house, etc.) has been pushing me to the point that I often feel overwhelmed. At these moments, I don't think I can handle even one more thing - much less another child! It is very tempting to see this as a "sign" that I should just stick with the status quo and not pursue adoption again. And believe me, this thought has crossed my mind many times. But that is not the case, God is preparing me for the time when he will bring another child into our family. Just like the training runs, I need to be pushed a little further beyond what is comfortable and what I think I can handle. Is it painful? Absolutely! But when I fix my eyes on the goal(marathon/adopting again), it is not only worth it, it is necessary.
Could we bring home another child tomorrow? Yes, and we would survive. Could I get up in the morning and run a marathon tomorrow? Yes, but I would be setting myself up for serious injury and pain that would last for quite a while. Why? Because I am not ready.
So now I am asking God to overwhelm me (A very dangerous prayer - I know). I want to grow. I want to be able to handle more chaos in my house and still hold it together with Christ's help. The funny thing is that now that I am asking to be "prepared" in this way, I am not surprised when I start to feel overwhelmed.
When God has decided that we are prepared adequately and decides to reveal who our next child will be, that is when the actual marathon will begin. Even when well trained, a marathon is not easy. It is harder and longer than any of the training runs. But through the training, we will have learned that we are strong enough (with Christ) to endure even when our body feels like it is going to fail us. Adopting will push you to your limits (and beyond) in so many ways. It is hard and painful, but in the end (when we meet Jesus face to face), obeying God's call on our lives will be so worth every bit of it!
So if you feel pushed beyond what you think you can handle, be encouraged! God is just taking you on a training run for something big he is wanting to do in your life.
Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so you will not grow weary and lose heart.
When you decide to run a marathon, you don't just go out and run it. You choose a training plan and start off with very short runs that are fairly easy for you. To reach the goal of running 26.2 miles, you have to begin to increase your mileage. You start out by pushing your body just a little bit more than you you have been used to previously - about 1 mile longer. On that slightly longer run, you feel good until you hit the point where you are running farther than you have ever run before, then you begin to hurt a little. Your knees ache (at least mine do) and your muscles begin to get tired, but amazingly, after doing the same distance a couple of times, it doesn't hurt anymore and even starts to seem easy. At that point, you up the mileage again until you can run 20+ miles without too much pain and injury.
Last night, God brought this comparison to my mind and reminded me that even though I want Him to bring me my next child(ren) right now, he knows I am not ready yet. Lately, life (kids, schedules, relationships, business, house, etc.) has been pushing me to the point that I often feel overwhelmed. At these moments, I don't think I can handle even one more thing - much less another child! It is very tempting to see this as a "sign" that I should just stick with the status quo and not pursue adoption again. And believe me, this thought has crossed my mind many times. But that is not the case, God is preparing me for the time when he will bring another child into our family. Just like the training runs, I need to be pushed a little further beyond what is comfortable and what I think I can handle. Is it painful? Absolutely! But when I fix my eyes on the goal(marathon/adopting again), it is not only worth it, it is necessary.
Could we bring home another child tomorrow? Yes, and we would survive. Could I get up in the morning and run a marathon tomorrow? Yes, but I would be setting myself up for serious injury and pain that would last for quite a while. Why? Because I am not ready.
So now I am asking God to overwhelm me (A very dangerous prayer - I know). I want to grow. I want to be able to handle more chaos in my house and still hold it together with Christ's help. The funny thing is that now that I am asking to be "prepared" in this way, I am not surprised when I start to feel overwhelmed.
When God has decided that we are prepared adequately and decides to reveal who our next child will be, that is when the actual marathon will begin. Even when well trained, a marathon is not easy. It is harder and longer than any of the training runs. But through the training, we will have learned that we are strong enough (with Christ) to endure even when our body feels like it is going to fail us. Adopting will push you to your limits (and beyond) in so many ways. It is hard and painful, but in the end (when we meet Jesus face to face), obeying God's call on our lives will be so worth every bit of it!
So if you feel pushed beyond what you think you can handle, be encouraged! God is just taking you on a training run for something big he is wanting to do in your life.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
We Can Open Our Eyes and Our Lives
“...orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names.
They are easier to ignore before you see their faces.
It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms...
.... but once you do, everything changes.
So when you & I hear staggering numbers & statistics about the poor & needy around us & around the world, we have a choice.
We can switch the channels on our mega T.V’s and continue our comfortable, untroubled, ordinary, church-going lives as if the global poor don’t exist.
We can let these numbers remain cold, distant, and almost imaginary....
Or we can open our eyes and our lives to the realities that surround us and begin considering the faces that are represented by these numbers.”
-David Platt
If you liked this and still want more...http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/a-chronicle-of-redemption-part-3-failed-kings-in-a-united-kingdom/a287 (Cut and paste this to your browswer.) If that doesn't get you there, just look for the Church at Brook Hills. A Chronicle Of Redemption - Part 3: Failed Kings in a United Kingdom
Sunday, August 8, 2010
August Adoption Events
Adoption Forum and Pizza Lunch
Sunday, August 22
12:15pm - 2:00pm
Lunch on Playground@ 12:15pm/Forum @ 1pm in Children's Building
Come and listen to adoptive families as they share about their adoption experiences. Foster Adoption, International adoption, and private domestic adoption will all be represented. This is a great place to begin learning about the types of adoption and exploring if adoption if God's plan for your family. Bring the whole family to the playground area for a pizza lunch at 12:15 (after late service). At 1:00 we will move into the children's building for the forum. Childcare will be provided. The forum will be officially over at 2pm, but families will stick around to answer any additional questions you may have. If you know of anyone considering adoption, please invite them to this event. It is one of the most helpful in learning about adoption.
Adoption Small Group
Wednesday, August 18
6:30pm-7:45pm
FBC Children's Building (1st room on your left)
Every month during the school year, the adoption group meets on the 3rd Wednesday of the month to catch up on families in the adoption process, talk about adoption related issues, and pray for each other. August is our first meeting of the school year. Childcare will be provided. Anyone who has adopted or fostered, is in the process, is considering adoption or foster care, or is interested in learning more is welcome to join us. It is a relaxed environment where families can share about all aspects of adoption and foster care.
Adoption Small Group
Wednesday, September 16
6:30pm-7:45pm
FBC Children's Building (1st room on your left)
See description above. In September, the Pioneer Club Kids Programs have started. Classes are provided for children ages 0-Jr. high. Clubs start at 6:15pm, so drop off your kids and join us in the children's building. Every Wednesday, during Pioneer Clubs, dinner is served in the gym (at low cost) starting at 5:00pm. Feel free to come before group and get dinner!
Saturday, August 7, 2010
These are the children the Lord saw fit to bless me with.
This is a blog that I follow. I had to share these words of truth about adoption.
-Leah
By Katie in Uganda:
teenagers and a lesson from Jacob.
I come to you humbly asking for prayer. Especially for my three oldest daughters, and for wisdom for me! All mommas know it: teenagers are hard. Three teenage girls are harder. Three teenage girls from different tribes and cultures and pasts trying to live together in one bedroom are harder still.
In an effort to be real, I want to tell you. Adoption is wonderful and beautiful and the greatest blessing I have ever experienced. Adoption is also HARD and painful. Adoption of older children is a beautiful picture of redemption. It is the GOSPEL in my living room. And some times, it just stinks.
As a parent, it stinks to not know when your daughter took her first steps or what her first word was or what she looked like in Kindergarten. It stinks not to know where she slept and whose shoulder she cried on and what the scar on her eyebrow is from. It stinks to know that for ten years of her precious life you were NOT the shoulder she cried on or the Mommy she hugged.
As a child, it stinks to remember your biological parents’ death, not matter how much you love your new Mom. It stinks to have your mom be a different color than you because, inevitably, people are going to ask why. It stinks that your Mom wasn’t there for all the times you had no dinner and all the times you were sick and all the times you needed help with your homework. It stinks when you have to make up your birthday. It skinks when you can’t understand the concept of being a family forever because your first family wasn’t forever.
And every single day, it is worth it. Because ADOPTION IS GOD’S HEART. He sets the lonely in families. Adoption is the reason that I can come before God’s throne and beg Him for mercy, because He predestined me to be adopted as His child through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.
My family, adopting these children, it is not optional. It is not my good deed for the day, it is not what I am doing to “help these poor kids out.” I adopt because God commands me to care for the orphans and the widows in their distress. I adopt because to whom much has been given, much will be demanded. I adopt because whoever finds his life will lose it but whoever loses his life for HIS sake will find it.
Some days, my friends, it is not easy. Today, it is not easy. The HURT in my daughters’ hearts is big and real and as their mother, I want to fix it and know that I CAN’T. So I lay it at the feet of my Father and rejoice to know that if we are children, then we are heirs - of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings - in order that we may also share in His glory. And I call out to the Holy Spirit knowing that He is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for us.
A sweet friend pointed me yesterday to Genesis Chapter 33. Esau and Jacob are meeting for the first time in a long time. As Jacob approaches Esau, with his many children following close behind, Esau asks, “ And who are these with you?”
Jacob’s reply: “These are the children that the Lord saw fit to bless me with.”
We get all the questions. “Why do you do it?” “Why so many?” “How in the world…” “Why these specific girls?” “Why the number 14?” “Do you think its ok to adopt as a single Mother? Don’t they need a father too?” “Do you think they will have issues since you are not the same race?” We also get the compliments. “I don’t know how you do it!” “Good job!” “You must be so responsible!” “Your girls must be so well behaved.” We get crazy stares and huge smiles and every look in between.
Adoption is beautiful. Adoption is hard. Adoption is the Gospel of Christ and the promise of God’s love and redemption lived out in our lives. So I ask for your prayers. Prayers for understanding and peace and trust and the power of God that is more than all I can ask or imagine. And to the questions and the comments and the compliments, this is my reply: “These are the children that the Lord saw fit to bless me with.”
http://www.amazima.org/blog.html
-Leah
By Katie in Uganda:
teenagers and a lesson from Jacob.
I come to you humbly asking for prayer. Especially for my three oldest daughters, and for wisdom for me! All mommas know it: teenagers are hard. Three teenage girls are harder. Three teenage girls from different tribes and cultures and pasts trying to live together in one bedroom are harder still.
In an effort to be real, I want to tell you. Adoption is wonderful and beautiful and the greatest blessing I have ever experienced. Adoption is also HARD and painful. Adoption of older children is a beautiful picture of redemption. It is the GOSPEL in my living room. And some times, it just stinks.
As a parent, it stinks to not know when your daughter took her first steps or what her first word was or what she looked like in Kindergarten. It stinks not to know where she slept and whose shoulder she cried on and what the scar on her eyebrow is from. It stinks to know that for ten years of her precious life you were NOT the shoulder she cried on or the Mommy she hugged.
As a child, it stinks to remember your biological parents’ death, not matter how much you love your new Mom. It stinks to have your mom be a different color than you because, inevitably, people are going to ask why. It stinks that your Mom wasn’t there for all the times you had no dinner and all the times you were sick and all the times you needed help with your homework. It stinks when you have to make up your birthday. It skinks when you can’t understand the concept of being a family forever because your first family wasn’t forever.
And every single day, it is worth it. Because ADOPTION IS GOD’S HEART. He sets the lonely in families. Adoption is the reason that I can come before God’s throne and beg Him for mercy, because He predestined me to be adopted as His child through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.
My family, adopting these children, it is not optional. It is not my good deed for the day, it is not what I am doing to “help these poor kids out.” I adopt because God commands me to care for the orphans and the widows in their distress. I adopt because to whom much has been given, much will be demanded. I adopt because whoever finds his life will lose it but whoever loses his life for HIS sake will find it.
Some days, my friends, it is not easy. Today, it is not easy. The HURT in my daughters’ hearts is big and real and as their mother, I want to fix it and know that I CAN’T. So I lay it at the feet of my Father and rejoice to know that if we are children, then we are heirs - of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings - in order that we may also share in His glory. And I call out to the Holy Spirit knowing that He is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because He always lives to intercede for us.
A sweet friend pointed me yesterday to Genesis Chapter 33. Esau and Jacob are meeting for the first time in a long time. As Jacob approaches Esau, with his many children following close behind, Esau asks, “ And who are these with you?”
Jacob’s reply: “These are the children that the Lord saw fit to bless me with.”
We get all the questions. “Why do you do it?” “Why so many?” “How in the world…” “Why these specific girls?” “Why the number 14?” “Do you think its ok to adopt as a single Mother? Don’t they need a father too?” “Do you think they will have issues since you are not the same race?” We also get the compliments. “I don’t know how you do it!” “Good job!” “You must be so responsible!” “Your girls must be so well behaved.” We get crazy stares and huge smiles and every look in between.
Adoption is beautiful. Adoption is hard. Adoption is the Gospel of Christ and the promise of God’s love and redemption lived out in our lives. So I ask for your prayers. Prayers for understanding and peace and trust and the power of God that is more than all I can ask or imagine. And to the questions and the comments and the compliments, this is my reply: “These are the children that the Lord saw fit to bless me with.”
http://www.amazima.org/blog.html
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