What do You Say When...? Wednesday

I had a really great time at the adoption panel the other day. It was fun to see all the faces of everyone who is even a little bit curious about adoption. There are so many choices and different ways to pursue growing your family through adoption that it seems like we could ask and answer questions all day.

One question that was asked was: The kids I have now seem to have unique needs that I don’t always feel I can adequately meet. How do I justify bringing in another child? And how does adoption affect the biological or adopted children already in your home? I am (of course) paraphrasing since it has been a while since we met. I think these two questions compliment each other so I am going to give my best shot at answering them.

First – the easier of the two: I think that children greatly benefit from having siblings. Not everyone agrees with this, that is why I said, “I think.” It is only my opinion. If you are still reading, I think that siblings give us someone to lean on as parents grow older. Your children may sacrifice small things now (like having their own room or more expensive vacations) but reap the rewards later (like having a babysitter for their kids and someone with whom to split the cost of Mom and Dad’s Christmas gift.) Also, I think adoption teaches God’s plan of salvation in a very real and very hands-on way. As we are adopted into God’s family, we can adopt someone into ours. There are so many more reasons why adoption can be a great character building exercise for your kids.

Second – the tougher question of how to meet everyone’s individual needs. My best response is that meeting the needs of your kids is God’s job, but that answer can sound like I am just dismissing the question. I will only be able to answer from personal experience. I wanted to adopt long before we actually started the process. I believe God intervened to give our family HIS perfect timing. Because we were diligently seeking His will through the whole thing, I believe He rewarded us in this way. Waiting didn’t feel like a reward at the time, but God always sees the big picture. I believe that the only way to truly meet the needs of our kids is through prayer. Also, you may find that your kids become less needy as new kids come into the home. The kids, themselves, find less reason to want your constant attention because they are distracted by their siblings. Don’t forget to encourage the older kids to help too! Even my 5 year old helps tie his 3 year old sister’s shoes. He is so proud when he helps. I know people who make “dates” for one-on-one time with their kids. Focus on the Family is a great resource for family ideas. Also, talk to parents of “big” families and see how they do it! All kids and families are unique so it is ultimately up to you to find what works, but prayer works universally!

Even though the panel time is over, many people who have adopted are eager to share their adoption experiences and are happy to answer questions if you have them!